


Unbonded

by IvanW



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Explicit Sexual Content, Gay Sex, Kirk and McCoy Besties, Kirk and Uhura Friendship, Love, M/M, Pon Farr, Post-Star Trek Beyond, Relationship Trouble, Romance, T'hy'la, Undying Love, Vulcan Bond
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-27
Updated: 2018-07-13
Packaged: 2018-11-05 10:19:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 18,261
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11011449
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IvanW/pseuds/IvanW
Summary: Jim begins to doubt the direction of his new romantic relationship with Spock.





	1. A Crack

Jim watched his first officer rising from the bed and kneeling down to pick up his clothes. He didn’t say anything. Just watched as Spock carefully redressed. When Spock sat on the edge of Jim’s bed to pull his boots on, Jim shifted just slightly, sitting up from his prior prone position.

Spock looked back at him, his lips curving in just the slightest way. It was usually the closest thing to a smile he generally got out of his lover.

Jim smiled back. It was on the tip of his tongue to ask Spock to stay with him that night. They’d been coupling for close to three months and as yet, every time they finished sexual congress, as Spock would say, either Spock left Jim’s quarters or Jim left Spock’s. At first it had been no big deal. Jim had never stayed the night with anyone before. But those were casual hookups and he very much hoped Spock was not.

“Jim?"

He smiled again. “Yeah, babe?”

“You seemed to be lost in your own thoughts.” Spock tilted his head. “May I make a query?”

“Sure.”

“Are you experiencing sleep disturbances?”

“Hmm. I never sleep totally well if that’s what you mean.”

Spock nodded. “If you would like, there are methods to ensure you relax for potentially better rest.”

His heart rate increased. Did Spock mean a meld? He had been trying to hint to Spock about melding. And not the kind where it was informational stuff but like a more intimate thing. Spock hadn’t really been taking the hints.

“Yeah?” Jim asked, trying not to sound too eager. “Like a meld, maybe?”

Spock’s brows furrowed. “No, Jim. I was speaking of a massage to loosen your tense muscles.”

“Oh.” He nodded. “Yeah. Okay.”

“If you will lie on your stomach, I will begin.”

“Or, um, you could, you know, stay with me. If you wanted to.” He toyed with the top sheet and tried not to look like he was hoping for a yes.

“I rise much earlier than you as I do not need as much sleep and I would not wish to disturb you when I wish to meditate,” Spock replied. “You do not care for the smell of the incense I use when meditating either as it disturbs your sinuses.”

It was as though Spock had anticipated that Jim would say he could simply meditate in Jim’s quarters.

“The massage?”

Jim shook his head. “Nah, that’s okay, I’m good.”

“Very well.” Spock carefully touched his two fingers to Jim’s in his typical departure greeting. “I will see you in the morning for breakfast.”

“Yep,” Jim said cheerfully. “Night, Spock.”

Spock exited Jim’s quarters, and presumably headed for his own.

Jim sighed and rose from the bed, going to his wardrobe for his pajama bottoms. His ass was pleasantly sore from the evening’s activities and he was a bit wrung out from the two times Spock had made him come. And yet, he knew sleep would elude him just then. He went to the synthesizer and ordered warm milk. Something his mother used.

Then he took the milk with him to his terminal and pulled up a file.

Ambassador Spock appeared frozen on his screen. An old recording before the old Vulcan’s passing.

“God, I miss you,” Jim said softly. “If you were still alive I could ask you so many questions. But you aren’t. And I…I just don’t want to fuck this up.”

He hit the button to play Ambassador Spock’s message. He’d played it many times.

“Hello, Jim. I hope this message finds you well.

In your last message to me you asked many questions about my timeline to which I am afraid I must decline to answer. Do not pout. And yes, I know you would be pouting. Understand, ashayam, that to reveal too much risks altering your timeline, perhaps to your detriment. And that I cannot allow. One that I do feel I can answer is regarding the closeness I had with my own James Kirk. You asked if we ever bonded in our time and the answer is yes. It was many years later in age than you and Spock are now. In time, I believe your Spock will recognize that Nyota Uhura is not where his destiny lies. But until then, I ask that you, what is the human term? Ah, yes. Keep the faith. Live long and prosper, Jim.”

The recording stopped. Jim had many such recordings from the ambassador. He had saved every one. But he listened to this one the most.

“Well, he’s not with Uhura anymore, but…I don’t know.”

He sipped his warm milk. “Talking to a ghost or something.”

Bones had thought after the events of Altamid that Spock and Uhura were headed for a reconciliation. He’d told Jim that at Jim’s birthday celebration, having overheard their conversation. And Jim had resigned himself, once more, to put aside his own feelings.

Spock had spent six months on New Vulcan after that and Jim had assumed Uhura went with him. Part of him had wondered if they would bond while there.

During those six months, Jim had gone to Riverside to visit his mother. Bones had gone to Georgia for his daughter. It was a lonely six months, actually. He got along pretty well with his mom these days, and Sam and his wife, Aurelan, and their infant son, Peter, had also visited, but he missed his friends, his crew and his ship.

He’d missed Spock.

And then, after Jim settled into temporary residential quarters on Yorktown while the Enterprise continued to be rebuilt, Spock had come to see him.

“Hey, Spock, how—” was all Jim had got out of his mouth before Spock’s tongue was halfway down his throat.

Now, here he was. With everything he’d ever wanted in his life.

_Almost_.

Jim was frankly afraid to push his luck. Asking for more from Spock then he was willing to give. And anyway, maybe by Vulcan standards, their time together was like a week was to humans.

Jim touched the screen where older Spock’s image still showed. Maybe it was true. The older you got, the more you turned into a sentimental old fool. He exited the screen and stood.

Paced his quarters.

Went to his comm. Punched in a number.

“’lo?”

“Bones, you up?”

A long pause.

“I am now, brainless,” Bones said, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

“Sorry.”

“You okay?”

“Yeah, yeah. Go back to sleep. Ignore me.”

He could hear a little rustling. “If you’re sure.”

“I am. Night, Bones. Talk to you later.”

He finished the milk with a wince and deposited the glass in the dish receptacle.

Jim supposed he could at least attempt to sleep. Instead, he walked over to where he had a bunch of holo-pics. Really, that and books were the only things he used to decorate his room with. A lot of the ones he’d had were destroyed with the Enterprise, but a few he’d had in Riverside with his mom. And one had come to him on Yorktown.

There was a holo-pic of him and his mom. One of his parents when they were really young. One of him and Pike from the Academy days.

“I miss you, too.”

The final pics were one of him and Bones, also at the academy. One with Spock and Uhura and himself when they were still a couple. And the last was with him and the ambassador. He'd received it on Yorktown after the ambassador's death.

“Damn, I’m maudlin tonight. What the hell is wrong with me?”

He turned away and went to his bed. “Computer, lights out.”

Jim pulled the covers around him. Wistfully touched the side of the bed that Spock should be laying on.

He had his ship back, shiny and new. He had his best friend and brother, Bones, by his side. The best crew in the Fleet. Spock hadn’t gone to New Vulcan to make babies and left him forever. Spock was with him, engaging in sexual congress on a regular basis.

And God, it wasn’t enough.

It wasn’t.


	2. No Human Bonds

“Okay, what is it?”

Jim looked up from his plate of sliced peaches to stare at Bones. “What is what?”

“Something’s wrong.”

He shook his head. “Nope.”

“Bullshit.” Bones waved his fork at Jim. “I know you and I know that look. You’re hiding some pain in there somewhere.” He stuck his fork full of cereal in his mouth. Jim was grateful none of it had splattered on him. “The hobgoblin?”

“Could you at least try to be nice?”

“Yeah, yeah. Okay. Is it Spock?”

“Why would it be Spock?”

“You two are newly relationshipped, right? We all know neither of you are very good at that sort of thing.”

“It’s not Spock.”

“Sure.”

Jim sighed. “It’s not. I’m just a little…out of sorts. Anxiety over the upcoming mission.”

Bones snorted. “You’re a terrible liar. First of all you don’t get anxious over missions. Second, whenever you lie your ears turn red.”

Jim covered his ears self-consciously. “Do not.”

“Come on, Jim. What’s your boyfriend done?”

Jim stabbed viciously at a peach slice. “Maybe he’s not.”

Bones stared at him. “Say what?”

Jim shrugged.

“Aren’t you two screwing like rabbits?”

“Do you ever rein it in?” Jim shook his head.

“Oh, yeah. Something’s up. The Jim I know would be all proud of screwing like rabbits.”

“Why are we discussing the reproductive habits of earth creatures?” Spock asked, taking his seat next to Jim, bringing with him a tray of bright red fruit Jim was unfamiliar with.

“Ignore him,” Jim said. Then smiled. “Good morning.”

“Good morning, Captain.”

“You know that reminds me.” Bones waved his fork again. “Ever since you started seeing Spock, we hardly spend any time together.”

“Actually, Doctor, he may be free tonight as I have an experiment in the lab tonight to supervise.”

“I have some reports to do actually,” Jim spoke up. “And I was hoping to make it an early night.” He winced at Bones. “Sorry.”

“Nah, it’s fine.” Bones rose and patted Jim’s shoulder. “See you later.”

Spock watched him leave and then turned toward Jim. “I apologize. I did not intend to speak for you.”

Jim waved that off. “No problem. Ordinarily I’m happy to see Bones.”

His first officer studied him. “You do look especially fatigued. I thought when I departed you would sleep.”

“I tried.”

“There are Vulcan methods that could assist you in obtaining optimal rest.”

Jim thought briefly of saying that one of those methods should be the Vulcan settling down next to you for the night, but he thought better of it.

“That’s okay, really,” Jim said. “I’m sure sleep will come to me eventually. So lab experiment, huh?”

“Yes,” Spock replied. “I do not anticipate being finished until quite late.”

“Gotcha.” In other words, don’t expect any Vulcan visitors. “And now, I think it’s about time for me to report to the bridge.”

“You did not finish consuming your breakfast.”

“Right. I’ll take it with me. See you on the bridge.”

****

The thing was…Spock wasn’t in the lab.

Jim checked. He knew he shouldn’t have. Why was he spying on Spock? But when he asked the computer to locate his first officer he was notified that Spock was in his quarters. Which of course he had every right to be whenever he wished.

But now Jim couldn’t really concentrate on his reports because now it seemed, anyway, Spock was avoiding him. If Spock didn’t want to be with Jim, he should simply say so.

He hit his comm. “Kirk to Uhura.”

A slight pause then, “Uhura here, Captain.”

“You busy?”

“Not really. Want to come over for some coffee?”

“Got anything stronger?”

A huffed laugh. “That can be arranged.”

“I’ll be there.”

The thing was, he could talk to Bones, sure. But Bones had never dated Spock romantically and Uhura had. So, now he was going over to bug her.

 She had changed into a nightgown and was pulling on a robe when he arrived. “Or should I change back to my uniform?”

“No, no.” He waved that away. “This is a personal visit.”

She smiled a little. “Okay.” Gestured to her sofa. “Have a seat. I’ll get your drink.”

Jim folded his legs under him and sat down. “I didn’t interrupt anything, did I?”

“Nothing important. Was just writing a note to my sister. I can finish it later.”

She brought over two glasses of whiskey, handed one to him, and then sat beside him.

“This is weird.” He sighed. “It is, isn’t it?”

“What is?”

“Me coming to you to ask you about Spock.”

“I figured that’s why you came.” She shook her head. “It’s fine, Jim. Spock and I are friends, nothing more.”

“You were more at one time though. Is it awkward to talk to me?”

“No.” She sipped her whiskey. “Listen, when Spock and I worked, we worked well. But when we didn’t? It was a spectacular failure.” She touched his arm. “And now? You and I are friends, too.” She nudged him. “What’s up, farm boy?”

“Did you-did he…oh hell. Did he sleep with you?”

Both of her brows went up. “Come on, Jim. If you’re seeing Spock, you sleep with him. Who’s going to resist that?”

He rolled his eyes. “Not sexually. Duh. I mean…after. Sleep sleep.”

Uhura shook her head. “Only when we were off the ship. Like for shore leave. When we were in San Francisco, we maintained separate living spaces. So there, like on the ship, he would usually come to me, we’d do our thing, and then he’d return to his place.”

“Hmm.”

“He’s doing the same thing with you?”

“Yeah. It’s always, okay, fine, see you in the morning. I don’t know. I mean, the thing is, I did that myself before, but never with someone I thought of in a serious sense.”

“Before Spock, did you view anyone in a serious sense?”

“Point there. I thought maybe it was me, but if he did the same thing with you—” Jim sighed. “Didn’t it bother you?”

“It always made some sort of sense to me. In the academy, he was an instructor, so it probably would have looked bad for him. And here on the ship, I always figured it was out of a sense of propriety. We shared on the few times we took shore leave together. The only time I really thought about it was after Khan when we were in San Francisco for a bit before the ship was repaired. He still wanted to maintain a separate place to live. Same thing with Yorktown, but I think by then I knew we were never going to go back to what we were.”

“Is it a Vulcan thing?”

“I don’t think so, but I don’t really know either. It’s definitely a Spock thing. But Jim, you must know how much he cares about you.”

He grimaced. “What about…bonds.”

“Bonds?”

“Yeah, the Vulcan bonds.”

Uhura nodded. “What about them?”

“Did he ever discuss bonding with you?”

“Oh, no. I don’t think they can.”

“What-what do you mean?”

“Bond with humans. I think they only bond like that with other Vulcans. Spock was bonded to T’Pring when they were children. She had it dissolved later when she found another Vulcan she preferred over Spock.”

“But his parents?’

“They weren’t bonded. Married, yes. But they didn’t share any kind of mind link. At least none that he ever mentioned. I met her once when they came to San Francisco to visit Spock. She was wonderful. But there was no indication of any bond between her and Sarek.” She looked at Jim’s empty glass. “Another?”

He nodded. He handed her his glass and leaned against the sofa.

No bonding with humans? Was that really true? He had never really thought about it. He guessed maybe it could be the case.

Uhura came back with their drinks and he took a large swallow.

“And marriage? Did you discuss that?” Jim asked, even though, honestly, he hated thinking about the time when they were together. He tried very hard not to be that way.

She nodded. “Sure. Mostly when I brought it up. But there was a time he wasn’t really opposed to it. We talked a bit before the whole Nero thing. Once Vulcan was destroyed, we talked about it a lot less. I think that’s why it wasn’t entirely a surprise when he told me he thought he should go to New Vulcan to help with the rebuilding of their race.” She sighed and studied her drink. “He got his mother’s necklace when she came that time to San Francisco. She presented it to him and told him that he should perhaps give it to me. He did, for my birthday.” Her smile was wistful. “I thought, then, it was such a promising sign for the future. And maybe things would have been different if Nero never came through. Of if he hadn’t met you. I don’t know.”

Jim was silent as he emptied his second whiskey. “I think maybe it’s over.”

“Wait. What?”

“He’s avoiding me. Making up stuff he’s doing that he’s not doing. Probably three months is long enough for anyone to stand me.”

“Jim, you should talk to him.”

“I don’t know. Maybe.” He attempted a smile as he stood. “Thanks for this. It was good to get your perspective.”

“And yet…I don’t think it helped at all.”

“No, it did. I promise. Night, Ny.”

He returned to his quarters and sat down at his terminal. Tried to do his reports again. Looked down at his PADD to see he had a message.

_Tried to see you but you were not there. S_

Jim tapped back.

_Will you sleep with me?_

_You wish to engage in—_

_No._ He typed quickly. _Sleep. I’d like the company._

He waited, holding his breath. Waiting for Spock to come up with some excuse.

_I must meditate._

_Meditate here._

_You do not find the smell of the incense pleasing._

Jim’s jaw went rigid.

_After then._

_It will be late._

_Fine. Okay._

_You are angry._

He sighed.

_No. Disappointed._

He almost typed out that it maybe it was time to reevaluate their relationship. But really, they’d already spent too much time messaging each other instead of just talking face-to-face.

_Goodnight._

He figured he wasn’t going to get any reports done with any clarity the way he felt, so he rose from his desk and went in to his bathroom to take a quick shower. When he came back out he could smell the strong scent of spicy Vulcan incense coming from the direction from the little alcove beyond his bed. And lying on his bed was Spock’s sleeping robe.

Jim put his hand on his chest and blew out a relieved breath.

And he allowed himself a smile.


	3. Rough Communication

By the time Spock emerged out of the alcove in which he had been meditating, Jim had been sitting up in bed for almost an hour reading. His eyes were getting tired and his eyelids drooped closed several times.

Spock still wore his uniform and the smoke from the incense he had recently put out drifted outward toward the sleeping quarters. Jim did everything to ensure he would not openly wince at the smell. He did not want to prove Spock right.

He closed his book with a smile. “All done?”

“Affirmative.” Spock was doing that thing he did when he stared intently at Jim. Assessing him. Cataloging something. Jim just didn’t know what.

Suddenly uncertain, Jim tried a wider smile. “Tea or something?”

“Not at present.” Spock picked up his sleeping robe and headed into Jim’s bathroom.

Jim sighed. It shouldn’t be so awkward between them, should it? He didn’t know exactly when the awkwardness had begun, but it was palatable. Sometime around the whole New Vulcan/Yorktown period. Spock and Uhura had been breaking up, or having problems at any rate, and Jim had been re-thinking his entire life really. Well, he guessed Spock had been too.

Ultimately they had both stayed with the Enterprise. Spock had ended things with Uhura for good, or she with him, whatever, and then three months ago, they’d started this…whatever it was…between them. And the awkwardness had never really gone away.

Jim was certain it was his fault. He didn’t do relationships. Not well anyway. Even friendships. Bones stuck around longer than most but that said more about Bones than it did about him. When they’d first grabbed at each other three months ago, Jim had been filled with so much hope and excitement and so many things. The future looked bright for a change.

But now…that hope was all but gone. He couldn’t shake the feeling that Spock was just going through the motions. Of being with Jim, of doing his job, of remaining with Starfleet. Had it been a mistake to want Spock to stay and not go to New Vulcan? Had that truly been what he wanted? Where his destiny lay?

The door to the bathroom opened and Spock came out dressed in the sleeping robe. It was on the tip of Jim’s tongue to tell Spock that he didn’t really have to stay with him. He knew Spock really hadn’t wanted to. He’d only done it for Jim. But Jim liked seeing Spock approach the bed, intending to place himself there, and he found he could not form the words telling Spock it would be okay if he didn’t stay.

Spock drew back the blankets and glanced at the book Jim still held in his hands. “War and Peace?” His eyebrow went up.

Jim grinned. “Only for about the third time.” He set it on the table next to the bed. “I’m a book geek.”

“You look very tired,” Spock commented, as he placed himself very carefully and somewhat rigidly in the bed next to Jim.

Jim licked his lips. “Have a preference for sides?”

“Sides?”

“You know, you prefer to sleep on the left or the right?”

“Generally, as I am the only one in bed, I sleep in the middle.”

“Right.”

“It is acceptable where I am.”

Acceptable. Great.

Jim laid down on the pillow and watched as Spock did the same. “Ready for lights out?”

“Yes.”

“Computer, lights off.”

Spock rustled a little as he adjusted himself in the bed.

“This is weirder than it should be,” Jim said softly.

“Captain?”

He resisted, barely, the urge to remind Spock to call him Jim. They were in bed together, for crying out loud. “You laying here with me. Is it really so terrible?”

“Not terrible, no. Just…different.”

“You don’t like sharing a bed?”

“It is not something I am used to,” Spock admitted.

“Did your parents share?”

“To my knowledge, no. Mother frequently referred to his snoring as a deterrent to her rest.”

“I guess that explains where you got the idea from anyway.”

Spock was quiet for a moment. “Idea?”

“That one should only share a bed with someone while they are engaged in sexual activities. I spoke to Uhura and—”

“You asked Nyota about our relationship?”

“Yours and hers, yeah.”

“For what purpose?”

Jim pretended he didn’t hear the note of censure in Spock’s voice. “To learn if you slept with her. _Slept_.”

“If you wished to sleep with me, you only needed to ask.”

Jim snorted at that. Flipped over onto his back and looked up at the dark ceiling above the bed. “I _have_ asked. I asked tonight.”

“And here I am.”

“With obvious reluctance,” Jim added. He sighed and turned over onto his side that faced away from Spock.

After a period of five minutes, Spock said softly, “I am at a loss to understand what you expect of me.”

“That’s definitely clear. I don’t know, Spock. It's just…you and I don’t seem to be on the same…” He hesitated to use a book reference but he couldn’t come up with anything else. “Page. I want you to want to share a bed with me.”

“I am making an effort to accommodate your needs.”

Jim huffed out a frustrated sigh and sat up in bed. “I don’t want to be accommodated. Computer lights on.”

Bright light suddenly flooded the cabin.

Spock blinked, confusion clear on his face. “Is not the point of a relationship? To accommodate the needs of the other?”

“No! Or at least I don’t think it should. You should want to be here because it’s what _you_ want and not because I whined that I wanted you to be here with me. Otherwise, it’s not real. You’re just-just playing at being what you think I want.”

“What do you want?” Spock asked. He had sat up too and was looking stiffer than ever.

“I want this to be more than just sex. Hell, I can get sex anywhere. Everywhere. I have. And hell, whoever thought I would want that? But right now it’s like we’re friends with benefits. And barely even that.” Jim looked down at his twisted hands. They were gripping the sheets tightly and he tried to loosen them, but he couldn’t make them stop. “Do you even like me, Spock?”

Jim chanced a glance at Spock and what he saw made his blood run cold and his heart slow its frantic pace. Spock was staring at him, mouth hanging open very much the way it did long ago when he mentioned he would miss Spock. Before all the Khan stuff.

He closed his eyes and swung his legs to the floor of the cabin and stood.

“What are you doing?” Spock demanded.

Jim searched for his clothes. “Getting out of here.”

“But this is your quarters.”

“ _I know_.” Jim yanked on his clothes. “But right now this place, you, me, it’s making my skin crawl.”

Jim walked out of his quarters without a backward glance even though he had no idea where he even intended to go.

Suddenly a memory involving his mother flashed through his mind. It was from long ago. He’d been just a kid and she’d been drinking on the porch in Riverside. She was due to ship out on a freighter the next day.

Jim had gone out to the porch to tell her that the supper he had made was ready to be served. From the area of the barn, Jim could hear music blaring loudly as well as bangs and curses. Frank was obviously in a bad mood. But when hadn’t he been?

_“Mom?”_

_She glanced at him as she lowered the bottle of whiskey she’d just drank from. “Whaddya want?”_

_“Food’s ready,” he replied in a small voice._

_“Speak louder. You aren’t a baby. What did you say?”_

_“The food is ready,” he said louder._

_She took another drink out of the bottle and then held it out to him. He quickly shook his head. “No?” She stepped up close to him then and leaned against his shoulder, her boozy breath hitting him in the face. “Let me give you a piece of advice, sonny boy.”_

_“Okay.”_

_“Be careful what you wish for. Getting it can be the best thing in the world. But then when it’s taken from you, in a matter of seconds,” she snapped her finger, “losing it is worse than never having it at all.”_

_“Uh.”_

_“Will you remember that, Jimmy?”_

_“Sure.” Jim scrunched his face. “Sure I will. Let me help you inside.”_

Jim wondered why that memory came up out of the blue. Was Spock the thing he had wished for and maybe lost? No. That couldn’t be it.

He glanced back at the door of his quarters. What the hell was wrong with him anyway? Was it so horrible that Spock wanted to make him happy?

Jim opened the door to his quarters to find that Spock was putting his uniform back on. He froze and stared at Jim.

“Hi.” Jim rubbed the back of his neck. “Listen. I’m sorry about-about, uh, whatever. You don’t have to stay here with me. It’s fine.”

Spock continued to stare at him for so long, Jim began to fidget. “Do I really make your skin crawl?”

“No,” he whispered, his throat hurting. “That might apply to myself though.”

To his surprise, Spock removed his uniform again and redressed in the sleeping robe. He held out his hand toward Jim, for Jim to take it, and without hesitation, Jim did.

“Bed?” Spock’s voice was so soft, Jim strained to hear it.

Jim nodded and allowed Spock to pull him to the bed. This time when they got in, Spock moved close to Jim. Jim took a chance and put his arm around Spock’s waist, holding his breath.

”Lights out.”

“Is this the proper way to sleep together?” Spock asked, though there was an unmistakable note of amusement in his voice.

“I have no idea,” Jim admitted.

“It is…nice.”

Jim smiled into the darkness. “Yeah it is.”


	4. The Perfect Boyfriend

“Do you think things could be that different between us and them?” Jim asked Bones at breakfast. He’d chosen eggs and fried potatoes. And coffee, of course. Lots of that.

When he’d woken up that morning, Spock was already gone, and he’d told himself that Spock meditated before his shift each day so he’d no doubt gone off to do just that. Anyway the night had been pleasant with Spock lying next to him.

“Us and who?” Bones frowned.

“The universe where the ambassador came from. Timeline. Whatever. I don’t mean things like Vulcan wasn’t destroyed there, because obviously that was different.”

“What do you mean then?”

“Our lives have changed from theirs, I get that. But shouldn’t some fundamental things still be the same?”

“Uh…okay.”

Jim sighed. He took a bite of his breakfast, chewed and swallowed it. “Uhura said she didn’t think Vulcans bond with Humans. He never brought it up with her and she was pretty sure that Sarek wasn't bonded to Spock’s mother.”

“So?”

“But Ambassador Spock told me that he _was_ bonded to his Jim. So, clearly, with them it most certainly was possible.”

“Okay. But maybe Vulcans here just don’t want to bond with Humans. Say, maybe, they technically _can_ , but would rather not.  Must be difficult for a mind connection with a psi-null partner, right?”

Jim grimaced and reached for his coffee. “I guess that’s possible.”

“Why not just ask him, Jim?”

“A few reasons. Perfectly logical reasons.”

Bones rolled his eyes. “This I gotta hear.”

“We’ve only been together for three months. And that’s too soon.”

“But you haven’t known each other only three months. It’s different when you start to date—is that even what you two are doing—after meeting for the first time. At this point, you and Spock have known each other for years. You’ve just only been doing the nasty for three months.”

“The nasty?”

Bones shrugged.

“Spock was with Uhura for years and he _never_ talked to her about it,” Jim pointed out. “We haven’t even said that word.”

“Word?”

Jim rolled his eyes. “Yeah. You know.”

“Commitment?”

He laughed at that, even though he didn’t feel like anything was particularly humorous. “Pretty much, when you get down to it. And then there’s the plain fact I don’t think he even likes me.”

Bones stared at him. “You’re fucking, aren’t you?”

“Yeah, duh, but—”

“Isn’t physical intimacy sacred to hobgoblins or something?”

“The crap you come up with. No. Obviously it’s not. They aren’t _that_ different from Humans, Bones.  And Spock is half Human anyway. Trust me, sex isn’t sacred. The thing is, things got, I don’t know, weird between us probably like a year ago at least. He pretty much stopped talking to me other than for ship’s business. And I don’t know, I guess it was all involved with making Vulcan babies and his problems with Uhura, who knows, and hell, everything got so…strained and so mundane, I started looking elsewhere myself.  But then Krall happened and everything changed for both of us. And I thought everything would go back to the way it was before the weirdness but it never did and he went off to New Vulcan for those six months and then---”

“And then he came back and the two of you started fucking like rabbits.”

Jim sighed. “Yeah.”

“Well, I don’t have much advice for you, Jim. I certainly suck seven ways to Sunday when it comes to relationships. But I don’t think Spock would bother with you if he didn’t like you an awful lot, even if love isn’t written into his book.”

Jim looked down at his half-eaten breakfast. “So, you don’t think Spock is capable of that?”

“If he’s capable of it with anyone, I think it’s you. But other than that…I just don’t know.”

“My mom once told me to be careful what you wish for. She was talking about having my dad and then losing him. But I’m not…I don’t even think I really have Spock.” Jim shook his head and started eating again. He hated to waste food even if it had turned cold. “Maybe I’m pressuring him too much to be what I want him to be instead of just accepting him for what and who he is.”

“You think so?”

“Probably. I’m expecting him to be like a Human boyfriend only he isn’t. That’s unfair of me.”

Bones just eyed him.

Jim smiled. “I’m going to try to be the perfect Vulcan boyfriend.”

“We’ll see how well you pull that off.”

“Shut up.” Jim finished his breakfast, took the last sip of his coffee, and stood up to start his shift. “See you, Bones.”

****

Acting like a Vulcan boyfriend proved to be harder than Jim imagined. Jim couldn’t be logical and unemotional if his life depended on it, he was pretty sure. But if being that way and not acting as needy as he had been would work to convince Spock that Jim would make an acceptable bondmate, well then, Jim would try his damnedest.

Naturally there was an instant challenge to his plan as he and Spock entered the turbolift together after their shift. Spock stepped closer to Jim as he had been doing since the commencement of their physical relationship. And he leaned in as though he intended to kiss Jim’s lips.

Jim moved away. Vulcans would not open mouth kiss in a turbolift, Jim was certain, so he held out his fingers toward Spock instead. According to Spock, this gesture was acceptable.

With barely a furrowed brow, Spock accepted the finger kiss. “If you are available for dinner and chess I will—”

Jim shook his head. “I’ve got a bunch of reports I’m behind on. I’m just going to eat a sandwich while I work.”

“If you require assistance, I am available.”

“Nah, I can do them. They’re my responsibility and you have your own responsibilities.”

“Part of which are to assist the captain.”

Jim waved that off. “Not going to burden you with my duties. I can handle it. If you want, I can come by your quarters after. Might be pretty late though.”

For a long time, the rest of the turbolift ride to the deck with their quarters, Spock remained silent. But as they got off and began to make their way down the corridor, he spoke. “Is something amiss, Captain?”

“Amiss? No. Everything’s fine.” He stopped outside his quarters. “See you later?”

Spock nodded.

Jim entered his quarters and swore out loud. “Fuck.  This is going to be tough.”

But he could do it. He knew he could. From his conversations with the ambassador, what little he’d revealed about his own Jim, Jim had figured out that his Kirk had been the epitome of professionalism. Probably never touched Spock in front of others. Never said anything remotely inappropriate. And therefore, he’d won his Spock. And well, Jim could do it too.

He got his chicken sandwich and coffee and sat himself down in front of his terminal to do those reports. It took him hours to complete them and afterwards it was later even than he’d imagined, so he briefly thought about not visiting Spock after all. But on the other hand it had been a few days since they’d shared any physical intimacy and Jim was horny as hell.

So he messaged his first officer.

_Are you still up?_

The response was immediate, of course.

_Affirmative._

And if that word didn’t just cause his dick to get half hard, well…

_Coming over._

As the door slid open to Spock’s quarters, Jim was already pulling off his command tunic, ready and eager to show Spock just how much he wanted to be with him.

If Spock was surprised by his actions, he showed no sign of it, and in fact, stepped over to Jim to help him remove the black undershirt. Once that had been successfully accomplished, Jim put his arms around Spock’s neck and kissed him thoroughly, like he’d wanted to do in the turbolift.

“You taste amazing,” he said throatily. “Can’t wait to feel you all over.”

Spock murmured his agreement, reaching for the hem of his own uniform shirts, pulling them off as one, which was not at all Spock’s habit. They touched, chest to chest, skin to skin, kissing rather desperately as Spock took charge and led him toward his bed.

Pushed to lay on his back, he watched as Spock pulled off his boots and discarded them by tossing them across the room. Another surprise from his Vulcan. But before he could comment on it, Spock had risen and leaned over him, pressing his mouth firmly to Jim’s, his tongue sliding inside.

Spock’s hands tugged at the fastenings of Jim’s uniform trousers and pretty soon those were gone too and he was left in nothing but his briefs. He moistened his lips as he watched Spock get completely undressed, his long, thick shaft jutting out between his thighs. It made Jim’s mouth water.

An eyebrow quirked up and Jim wondered if Spock had gotten the stray thought from him since Spock’s hand rested on Jim’s thigh. He grinned.

“Want me to suck you?”

“I always want that,” Spock replied. “However, just now, my preference is to engage in intercourse.”

Jim’s stomach fluttered. He cleared his throat as he gazed into chocolate eyes. “Me too.”

Spock reached down and rendered Jim’s briefs in two.

“Hey!”

Spock gave him a little shrug and tossed the shreds away. He placed himself between Jim’s legs and hiked them up so that his legs wrapped tightly around Spock’s waist.

“Do you require additional preparation?” Spock asked, his voice low and rumbly. Jim loved that about Spock during sex.

Jim shook his head. That was one rumor about Vulcans he’d been thrilled to find out was true. Copious amounts of self-lubrication. Even still it would be easier on him to prepare his ass with more, but just then Jim didn’t want to wait. Didn’t want to pause. He was filled with a desperation to have Spock take him. He needed this.

For what seemed forever, they held each other’s gaze, and Jim wondered if Spock would argue with him, but then very slowly he felt the stretch and burn of Spock’s slicked cock pushing inside him. If there was anything they got right, this was it.

Spock’s hand came to rest on his face. It was not quite a meld but whenever Spock touched him this way, Jim felt as though his whole being was alive with Spock, ecstasy and desire were like a drug within him. His body shook with it.

Spock moved within him, thrusting deep, pushing him to feel new things, new sensations, even as the familiarity of the rub of his prostate had his eyes rolling back. He clung to Spock, wrapping his legs even tighter around the Vulcan, as he made slow, thorough love to Jim.

His first officer had a way of making it last long, even as it was exquisite torture to not come, as he rocked into Jim over and over. At the moment, Jim didn’t bother to stroke himself, he was enjoying too much the feeling of being full of Spock.

If he could do this every day, all day, he wouldn’t need anything else ever.

Spock leaned forward, nearly bending Jim in half as he feasted his lips on Jim’s. He drew Spock’s tongue inside, sucking on it until Spock gave a little cry of protest and yet he did not pull away, just allowed Jim to continue.

He knew when Spock was nearing completion for his thrusts into Jim had sped up, his breathless cries becoming even more vocal and desperate. He adored that about Spock. His Vulcan held nothing back when they were like this. The fingertips on his face pressed harder and Jim felt the probing of his mind and then his pleasure points. His cock jumped, even without his hand pumping it.

“Fuck,” Jim gasped. “That-that’s so…ungh.” More probing and Jim was pushing up as Spock pushed in. He was frantic now as Spock slammed into him. He slipped his hand between them and to his cock. One tug on his aching rod and he was coming so hard his vision winked out.

Spock continued to ride him through his own orgasm, saying, “Jim” in his low, ragged voice as he at last filled Jim with his seed.

Jim realized he’d dozed off when he came to with Spock washing him off with a wet and warm cloth. He smiled dreamily. It would be so easy to just fall asleep here next to Spock.

He blinked his eyes wide open.

That was not what Spock wanted, he reminded himself. He was supposed to be acting like Spock’s perfect Vulcan boyfriend. Not some clingy Human.

Jim sat up. “Well.” He gently pushed Spock’s hands away as he continued to wash away sweat and semen. “It’s okay. I’ll take a shower when I get back to my own quarters.”

He got up from the bed, ignoring the soreness that seemed to have seeped in everywhere. He threw a casual smile in Spock’s direction. “I’ll just gather my clothes and be out of your way.”

Spock sat stiffly on the edge of the bed. “You are not staying?”

“No. No. I know I’m kind of a bed hog.” He laughed. “And you know it too now. We’ll both get more rest if I go back to my own.”

He pulled on his uniform haphazardly, ignoring his now useless briefs. He walked over to the bed, bent down and kissed Spock. “Goodnight, Spock.”

The brows furrowed. “Goodnight, Jim.”

Jim quickly got out of Spock’s quarters and back to his own. See, he could totally be what Spock wanted. He was sure of it.


	5. Changing

Spock had never been to Leonard’s quarters and he was completely uncertain he should be standing before them. He glanced up and down the corridor to be certain no one was coming and would witness him attempting to enter it now.

Humans gossiped. And Humans on ships gossiped more. Spock did not want any member of the crew whispering innuendoes that might possible get back to the captain. Their relationship was already tenuous and Jim was of volatile emotions.

“Enter,” McCoy called as the door slid open.

Spock stepped in quickly.

Leonard was seated at his desk, working on his terminal. Next to him was a glass of an amber liquid Spock surmised was alcohol. He raised his eyebrows in confusion at Spock.

“Spock. This is a surprise. Pull up a chair.”

He considered standing, for he was not at all comfortable making himself at ease in the living quarters of anyone else, except for Jim’s and before Jim, Nyota’s. In point of fact, now that he was no longer romantically engaged with Nyota, he had moved back to being uncomfortable in her quarters. It was an intimacy, Spock felt, reserved for a romantic pair.

Spock would have preferred to meet with Leonard in a more public setting. Either in the medbay or in the recreation or mess rooms. But this conversation had to be private and there was no guarantee it would be in either of the other settings. And he definitely did not want Jim to know about it.

He doubted that Jim would suspect him of any illicit connection to McCoy. The two of them had never shown any indication of the sort and Spock simply had no interest in Leonard in that way.

But the fact was that Jim was about as unpredictable as anyone Spock had ever known and that was saying something. Spock had frankly had trouble keeping up with Nyota’s ever shifting moods and notions. It had sometimes been an exhausting struggle.

By comparison to Jim, however, his relationship with Nyota had been, as Earth men would say, a cakewalk. Thus his need to see Leonard in the first place.

Not knowing how long this conversation would take, especially considering McCoy was a ball of unpredictability himself, Spock decided taking the seat across from Leonard would be prudent. It smelled a little of Jim, who Spock suspected, was its most frequent occupant.

“Care for something to drink?” Leonard asked.

“Tea would be agreeable.”

Leonard nodded and turned his chair toward the replicator on the wall behind him. “Any particular kind?”

 “Orange spiced.”

Leonard made the selection, pressed the button, and then waited for it come out. He handed it across the desk to Spock when it did. “Are you sick?”

“Negative.” Actually, though it was not exactly a lie, it wasn’t entirely the truth either. Spock had begun to feel more and more unsettled as the weeks passed. The best way to describe it was some kind of itch just under the surface of his skin, which made no sense at all, and was the main reason he chose not to mention it to McCoy. And Spock was almost certain it had something to do with Jim. Whenever Jim was near, Spock’s…twitchiness increased. He felt a strong desire to increase the time he spent in Jim’s company, which considering Jim seemed to be doing his absolute best to make sure their time together decreased, was a problem.

“This about Jim?”

“Why would you ask that?”

Leonard smirked. “Because, my Vulcan friend, over the years whenever someone has come to speak with me privately it’s always about Jim.”

Unexpected jealousy flared within Spock, hot and ugly. “He is _mine_.”

McCoy looked at him in surprise.

Spock forced down the feeling and cleared his throat. “I apologize. It was not my intention to say that.”

“It i _s_ about Jim, though, isn’t it?”

Spock clenched his hands together in his lap. “Yes. He is…I am uncertain how to deal with him.”

“Can you be more specific?”

“He is perplexing.”

“He is that,” Leonard agreed. “But help me out here, Spock. How exactly is Jim perplexing?”

“It would be necessary to reveal intimate information regarding the true nature of my interaction with the captain.”

“Spock, I know you two are fucking.”

“Yes, I realize that, doctor. For example, at first Jim desired a change in our relationship wherein he requested that we sleep together. _Sleep_.”

“I understand the distinction.”

“I adjusted my expectations to match his as he requested, however, last evening he made it quite clear that sleeping together was no longer a required element.”

Leonard shook his head. “Well, as to that. I think I can explain Jim’s thought process there.”

“I would be gratified.”

“He thinks that’s what you want.”

Spock tilted his head. “Explain.”

McCoy shrugged. “Basically he told me that he intended to be the perfect Vulcan boyfriend.”

“But Jim is Human.”

Leonard nodded. “Through and through. I’m guessing since you expressed a reluctance to share your bed with him, for _sleeping purposes_ , he decided that’s what he would do if he were Vulcan.” He waved a hand. “Basically he adjusted his expectations to match yours.”

“But—”

“He believes he’s compromising.” McCoy took a sip of his drink. “Let me ask you something, Spock.”

“Very well.”

“Did your father bond with your mother?”

Spock frowned very slightly. “You refer to a Vulcan bond?”

“Uh-huh.”

“Affirmative, why?”

Leonard sighed then and downed his drink. “You really ought to talk to Jim. He’s got some misconceptions about you. One of which is that your father and mother were Human married but not bonded.”

“But why would he think that?”

The doctor shook his head. “You’ve got deeper issues than that to be honest. Jim is…challenging. He’s worth it. Absolutely. But he’s been hurt a lot by the people who are supposed to care about him and it’s given him a lot of emotional scars. You have your own issues, too, and I don’t need to get into that with you, but you do need to get into that with him. If the two of you go no deeper than sex, well, I’ll be honest, Spock. It’s not going to last. Not with Jim. Eventually he’ll shut down. He always does.”

“I am not sure this conversation helped at all,” Spock said.

“If you wanted easy answers you came to the wrong place.”

“Clearly.” And yet, Spock found he really could not blame the doctor for his inability to understand Humans, and Jim, most of all. He finished his tea and rose from the chair.

“Whatever you do,” McCoy said then, leaning back in his chair. “Don’t give up on him.”

“I have no intention of doing so, Leonard.”

“Okay, then, we’re good.”

Spock said nothing to that and instead left the doctor’s quarters. He turned the corner of the corridor, heading back to his own quarters when he spotted the captain leaning in close to speak with Lieutenant Alison Drew. They were both laughing.

And he was instantly filled with a jealous rage. Without giving thought to it, Spock stalked down to where they were standing and put himself firmly between the captain and the lieutenant.

“He is not yours,” he snapped.

Lieutenant Drew took a step back, her hand going to her throat. “Yes, sir.”

“Spock, what the hell?” Jim demanded from behind him.

“You are dismissed,” Spock said curtly.

As she turned and went the other way, Spock took a step forward. But he was stopped with Jim’s hand on his sleeve.

“Commander.”

He flinched a little at Jim’s captain tone. Suddenly the jealousy he’d felt a moment ago seemed quite illogical. Reluctantly, he turned around to face Jim.

His cheeks felt warm. “I apologize.”

Jim’s arms were crossed in front of his chest and he was tapping his fingers on his forearm. “Let’s go inside,” he said, indicating Spock’s quarters with a tilt in that direction.

Spock opened the door and allowed Jim to go in first.

When the door had closed after them, Jim turned to face Spock.

“I’m not interested in Drew.”’

He straightened. “I am aware.”

“Then why—”

“I do not know.”

“You don’t _know_?” Jim sighed. Then he bit his lip. “Spock, are you okay?”

“Yes.” He stepped close to Jim, put his hands on Jim’s biceps and felt instantly soothed. “My behavior was out of line. I just saw you standing so close and laughing, I—”

Jim smiled then. “I’m not mad.”

“You were.”

“A little but I’m over it. I just want to make sure you’re okay.” Jim paused, searching Spock’s gaze. “We’re okay.”

Spock nodded and leaned against Jim. “We are. Will you…stay?”

“You want to—?”

“Negative. I desire you a great deal,” Spock assured his captain when he saw the uncertainty appear in his eyes. “But tonight I would like us to share a bed for sleep.”

“For sleep,” Jim repeated.

Spock’s side fluttered. “Do you have an objection?”

“No.” Jim shook his head. “But…”

Spock kissed him softly. “Indulge me.”

That earned him the rarest of Jim’s smiles, one that always sped up Spock’s heart rate whenever he was gifted with it. For a moment lust rushed through Spock, powerful and potent, and despite his words to Jim, he suddenly wanted to take him.

“Okay,” Jim said softly, sweetly, and it broke the spell that had come upon Spock. This trusting, soft Jim was not one to be manhandled. Spock would not.

He thought about undressing Jim for bed, but then his fingers started twitching and his desire threatened to spike again, so Spock moved away and saw to his own clothing, trying not to let his gaze wander to Jim as he undressed.

Jim was a beautiful male specimen. And others wanted him. Spock would not allow—

“Spock?”

Spock closed his eyes and clenched his fists. What was wrong with him?

He took a calming breath. “If you will place yourself in the bed, I will join you after meditation.”

Jim smiled and went over to Spock, leaning forward to kiss him. Spock raised his hand to the back of Jim’s head, refusing to acknowledge the very evident shake in his hand as he did so.  Spock hoped Jim wouldn’t comment on it. Jim’s gaze narrowed slightly, but to Spock’s relief, he did not, he just turned and climbed onto the bed, pulling the covers around him.      

Spock forced himself to go to his meditation mat in the alcove off the bedroom. Clearly it was what he needed.


	6. The Fires

“Are things better between you and Spock?” Bones asked over coffee in the mess room the next morning after Jim had spent the night in Spock’s bed. Sleeping.

“Mm.” Jim took a fortifying sip. “Define better.”

“Well how do I know?” Bones glanced around then shrugged. “He came to me last night for advice.”

Jim frowned. “About me?”

“No about the science department.” Bones rolled his eyes. “Yes about you. You see any other lovelorn idiots around here?”

“I’m hardly lovelorn.”

“Whatever. He was troubled by your relationship.”

“What did you tell him?”

“Doctor privileged information. I doubt Spock wants me to tell you the sordid details.”

“Then why the hell did you mention it?”

“Because, my friend, you should be talking to Spock. Communicating. Why don’t you tell him about your issues and then he can tell you about his and then you can have issues together.”

Jim grimaced. “You’re a big help. Anyway, he was acting a little weird last night.”

“Weird how?”

“He freaked out over me talking to Lieutenant Drew.”

“Define freaked out.”

Jim gave him a look over the rim of his coffee cup. “Pushed her away from me and growled at her that I wasn’t hers.”

Bones nodded. “Okay, I’ll give you that was pretty weird.”

“Yeah. So, um, then he asked to sleep with me.”

“That’s hardly new.”

“ _Sleep_.”

“Ah. Well. Isn’t that what you want? To be all couple happy cuddling beside each other?”

“I don’t want it to be forced.”

Bone sighed and finished his coffee. “It’s not forced, Jim. It’s compromising.”

“He shouldn’t have to compromise himself to be with me.”

“Why the hell not? That’s what being a couple is. Compromise. That’s why my marriage fell apart. We always had a problem giving an inch on anything. Both of us.”

“Well. What if Spock thinks I’m trying to change him?”

“What if you are? So what? Is that so bad?”

Jim bit his lip. “It is if it makes him feel less Vulcan.”

Bones snorted. “Believe me, Jim, he’s plenty Vulcan. A little compromising with you isn’t going to change that. Now I have to go. Talk to him.”

When Jim got to the bridge, he noticed Spock was not at his station. Completely unusual. When he’d left Spock’s quarters that morning for his own, Spock had indicated he would be having breakfast with Uhura and then would be on the bridge.

Uhura was at her station but there was no sign of his first officer.

“Status report, Mister Sulu?”

“Five point three hours until we make orbit of M64, sir.”

Jim went over to stand at Uhura’s station.  “Lieutenant.”

“Captain?”

“Where’s Spock?”

She frowned slightly. “Don’t you know?”

“Where’d he go after breakfast?”

She shrugged. “Beats me. He canceled breakfast. Said he wasn’t feeling well.”

Jim went to his chair and hit his comm. “Kirk to the Medbay.”

“McCoy here.”

“Is Mister Spock there?”

“No. Should he be?”

He tapped his fingers on the chair. “I don’t know. Kirk out.”

Jim rose and went to the turbolift calling over his shoulder, “Sulu, you have the conn.”

Inside the turbolift, Jim hit the button on the wall. “Computer, locate Commander Spock.”

“Commander Spock is currently in the captain’s quarters.”

The door opened onto the officers’ deck and Jim made his way down the corridor toward his cabin wondering why Spock would be in his rather than his own. If Spock was ill—

Well, Jim sure as hell didn’t want to think about that. Vulcans don’t get sick. Or so Spock had told him.

The first thing that hit him was a blast of heat when he stepped into his quarters. It felt like it was a million degrees. Okay 100. But still.

“Spock? Are you in here?”

“T’hy’la.”

The word, Vulcan obviously, was whispered and seemed to surround him in the room but he couldn’t even decide where it was coming from because he couldn’t see Spock. And the air was thick with incense.     

“Spock?”

A whole sentence of whispered Vulcan words that were mostly unintelligible to him. He coughed against the smoke from the incense.

“Spock, where the hell are you? What’s going on? You were due on the bridge and—”

He was suddenly violently slammed against the bulkhead and then Spock’s nose was smashed into his throat, just below his jawline, and he swore he heard purring.

The air had been knocked out of his lungs and when he could finally speak he said, “Uh, um, Spock?”

Spock licked him.

Jim cleared his throat. “Um. That’s nice. But the bridge—”

“No!” Spock growled. His hands grabbed Jim by the biceps and held him there with a lot of force. “You must not leave.”

“God, you’re burning up. Why is it so hot in here?”

Spock’s lips moved to the shell of Jim’s ear. “Such round ears. So tiny.”

“Not really, they’re normal ears. Spock—”

“You cannot leave. I will not allow it.”

“Allow it? I’m getting Bones.”

“He cannot have you!”

“Jesus, he doesn’t want me. What the hell…oh _shit_.” Jim suddenly couldn’t breathe. “You-you’re in that thing. I know about that from-from the other you. _Spock, let me go_.”

To Jim’s surprise, Spock blinked, released him and allowed him to scoot away from the bulkhead.

“Pon Farr, right? I sort of remember that from Ambassador Spock’s memories. Damn. You have to mate with-with a Vulcan, right? I have to get you to New Vulcan.”

“No,” Spock ground out.

“Damn it, Spock. You’ll die or something if I don’t. You have to.”

“No,” the Vulcan repeated, once more advancing toward Jim, who took a step back. “Mine.”

“Your what?” Jim held up his hands. “Look, um, I don’t exactly know all the ins and outs of Vulcan biology but I do know that Pon Farr is some seven year itch thing where you have to mate for, well, I don’t know, days or something, with a Vulcan woman or something bad happens.”

Spock advanced another step until the point where Jim was backed up against the bulkhead once more.

Jim shook his head. “I’m comming Bones.” He pulled out his communicator which to his shock Spock promptly knocked out of his hands. “Spock!”

“No Vulcan!” Spock said, now glaring at Jim. “No woman.”

“But—”

“ _T’hy’la._ ”

“I don’t know what you’re trying to say but I’m not going to let you die because we’re together and you have some sense that you can’t mate with someone else.”

“Stupid.”

Jim stared at Spock. “ _What_?”

“I mate with you.”

He made a sort of choked cry when Spock’s hand suddenly gripped his chin. He licked his dry lips. He was feeling rather lightheaded. Whether from the incense or the heat or the fact that Spock just said—

“Okay, well, I…Spock.” He felt himself go limp and he would have fallen to the floor except Spock still had a hold of him.

“Jim!”


	7. Preparations

“Spock!”

Jim sat up, heart in his throat, breathing rapidly.

“Easy, easy, Jim, it’s all right.” Bones’ hands on his chest, trying to push him back down.

Jim resisted and remained sitting up in the biobed. At least he still wore his uniform. “What happened?”

“You passed out from shock or something.” Bones patted his arm and handed him a cup. “Drink this.”

Jim frowned. “What is it?”

“Just water.”

Jim took a sip. “Spock?”

Bones nodded, his face grim. “He’s okay for now. Locked up in his quarters.”

“Is that necessary?”

“For his safety, yeah. And yours.”

“Spock wouldn’t hurt me." He said it while wondering, a little if it were true. 

“Not normally. But he’s not right in the head.” Bones looked around, then back to Jim. “We need to talk.”

“I’m listening.” Jim took another sip of water.

“I’ve been in touch with Sarek and he thinks it’s best Spock be taken to New Vulcan.”

“New Vulcan? So he can bond and mate?”

“Yes. Sarek thinks it’s best that the bonding ceremony takes place prior to the…Pon Farr…I guess it’s called.”

“I’ll contact Starfleet.”

“Nah,” Bones said. “Already done. We’re on our way. We’re fairly certain Spock can make it there without any serious problems.”

“Fairly certain?” Jim shook his head. “I hope you’re right. And then what?”

Bones looked uncomfortable which wasn’t a good look on him. “I guess Spock and you go down there and do the bonding thing.”

“Spock and me,” Jim repeated faintly.

“Yeah. Seems pretty clear from what Spock has said and Sarek too, that it’s you he intends to, um, do the thing with.”

Jim blew out a shaky breath. “He said something about that just before I lost consciousness. But I thought he had to bond and mate with a Vulcan.”

“Apparently not,” Bones said dryly.

He pinched the bridge of his nose. He was vaguely aware of being overly warm. “Well.”

“How do you feel about this, Jim?”

“How am I supposed to feel? I know about this. Spock could die if he doesn’t bond and mate. I can’t let that happen. You know that.”

“I do know that. But Jim—”

“Bones,” Jim interrupted softly. “Have you ever been in love?”

“I was married, Jim. Remember?”

“Yeah, I do,” Jim said seriously. “Have you?”

For a long time, Bones didn’t respond but Jim could see he was thinking about it a lot. After a moment, Bones hopped up onto the biobed next to Jim. “No. I think maybe that was the problem, you know? I thought I was when we got married, but, I don’t know. It seemed less like it as we started living together.”

“Why’d you ask her to marry you?”

“It was expected mostly. Everyone around me was doing it and I know that sounds lame. But I convinced myself I was like everyone else and that I loved her. For a long time I blamed her, but it was me, I think. I was the problem.”

“Did she love you, Bones?”

“Yeah, she did. She really did. What about you?”

“No,” Jim admitted. “Not until Spock. And now?” He clenched his eyes shut. “It scares the crap out of me, Bones, honest to God it does.”

“I can see that.”

Jim opened his eyes. “It’s not really that much fun at all. It’s confusing, nerve-wracking, painful. And God, I don’t want him to die. But what if I trap him into this?”

“What do you mean?”

“Vulcan bonds are serious shit, Bones. To them it’s a permanent thing. Until death. People say that about human marriage but it’s not true. And it is with Vulcans. What if I’m Jocelyn and he’s you?”

“Huh?”

“What if he bonds with me and then discovers down the road or whatever that he doesn’t really love me. It could happen, you know. He was with Uhura and now he’s not. They never bonded, so I guess it was easier to break up, but with this, Spock wouldn’t have that easy out.”

“You could just as easily discover you don’t really love Spock.”

“No,” Jim whispered.  “This is it for me. There’s never been anyone else and there never will be. It’s just him, Bones.”

“What choice do you have, Jim? If Spock would die without the bond and mating, what are you supposed to do? You don’t have much choice.”

“Yeah.” Jim rubbed his face. “It’s not exactly a picnic inside my head.”

“Everyone has baggage, Jim. Probably even Vulcans.”

Jim smiled faintly. “So. I’m going to do this then, huh?”

“I never really had any doubt,” Bones admitted. “I saw the way you looked at him when he accused you of cheating. You were a goner then.”

“I wanted to throttle him.”

“Exactly.” He squeezed Jim’s leg. “So before we reach New Vulcan I have to prepare you for this as best I can.”

“What does that entail exactly?” Jim held up his hands. “Wait. Maybe I don’t want to know.”

“Tri-ox. Lubricant. Nutritional supplements. According to Spock’s father this Pon Farr stuff could go on for three days to a week.”

Jim put his hand to his stomach. “I feel vaguely nauseous.”

“You’ll be okay, Jim. I’ll see to it. And sex—”

“I know. I can handle sex. Even lots of sex. And lots of sex with Spock.”

“Then what are you concerned about?”

“I’ve heard it can be kind of rough. And though I don’t have an issue with rough sex—”

“You do have an issue with violence,” Bones finished. “Yeah. Me too. But I don’t think Spock will be abusive.”

“You said yourself he’s out of his mind right now.”

“Spock would have to be really out of his mind to hurt you that way.”

Jim put his hand to his throat. “On the bridge. When he was angry.”

Bones frowned. “Yeah. But you’ve both come a long way since then and Spock has chosen you. I think you’ll be all right.”

“Yeah, okay. I think I need to check on him.” Jim slipped off the biobed.

“Not sure if that’s such a good idea, Jim. As he is now—”

“You just said he wouldn’t hurt me.”

“I know but—”

“I’m not going to ignore him until we get to New Vulcan, Bones. I can’t. I have to make sure he’s all right.” He patted Bones’ arm. “Come and see me when you have everything ready for me. In the meantime, I’m checking on Spock.”

When he accessed Spock’s quarters with his captain’s code and stepped inside, he was hit by a blast of searing heat. Even hotter than the last time he’d come into Spock’s quarters. Jim immediately tugged on the collar of his shirt.

“Spock? Babe?”

He heard a low rumble and braced himself to be flung against the bulkhead again, but that didn’t happen. Instead two very strong and hot Vulcan arms came around him from behind.

“Oh,” Jim said, breathlessly. “There you are. Are you—?”

Spock’s teeth sank into the pulse of Jim’s throat and Jim shivered.

“Um, that’s totally going to make a mark.”

“So?”

 _So?_ Spock sure was weird like this.

“It is good for others to see my mark. They will not try to steal you from me,” Spock said in a soft, rumbling almost purr.

“No one’s trying to steal me.”

“They would not succeed.”

“Um. Anyway. We’re on course for New Vulcan. Once there—”

“We will mate.”

Jim cleared his throat. “That too.” Spock brought his back up flush against him and Jim could feel the hard ridge of Spock’s erection pressing into his ass. He licked his lips. “I guess first we’ll have a bonding ceremony. If-if you want to bond, that is.”

Spock did not answer but he did inhale and then push his nose into Jim’s hair.

“I’m just going to make my way back over to my quarters, okay?”

“Or you could stay here.”

“I think you should probably wait until the Pon Farr thing.”

“I burn for you now, James.”

“Yeah. Well.” Jim patted the hands that were wrapped around his waist. “Want to let me go?”

There was a long hesitation, but Spock’s arms loosened from around him, slipped down, and then away. Spock turned his back to Jim.

“Go now then, Captain. While I can still allow it.”

“Okay. Yeah. Going.”

Jim scooted around Spock, who was still not looking at him, and over to the door of Spock’s quarters. When he was outside them, in the corridor, he relocked it with his code. He wiped the sweat off his brow and headed for his own quarters to begin the preparations for New Vulcan.


	8. Conversations With Friends

Jim was getting restless in his quarters waiting for Bones to show up with whatever he needed and if he knew Bones, probably some kind of instruction sheet. But it was taking longer than he thought and when he had commed Bones, he’d learned someone in one of the labs had burned themselves with something so Bones was seeing to that before coming to Jim.

But he was surprised when his visitor at his door after it chimed ended up being Uhura instead of Bones.

He invited her in even though he felt a little nervous about it. Which was patently ridiculous. Things were okay with them now, they really were, but maybe it was the whole Spock was going to bond with Jim thing, and he never had with her, and in fact she thought he couldn’t.

Uhura hugged herself as she stepped inside, looking around like she’d never been there, but she had.

“Is it cold? You want me to up the temperature?”

“No. It’s fine. You have anything to drink?”

“You want some tea?”

Her lips thinned. “I was thinking of something a bit harder.”

“You didn’t bring that whiskey you had with you?”

“No. I thought for sure you’d have something.”

He shook his head in apology. “Sorry. It’s not really something I keep around these days. Spock doesn’t—”

“Really like it. Yeah I know.” She grimaced. “He tries to keep his disapproval to a minimum, though.  You’re in really deep if you’ve conceded that to him. Tea then.”

Jim went to the synthesizer and got tea for them, bringing it over to her.

Uhura pursed her lips as she took it. “I owe you an apology I think.”

He frowned. “You do? For what?”

“Misleading you about bonding with Spock. It wasn’t intentional.”

“Nyota, I—”

“Please.” She held up a hand to stop him. “I know now that a lot of what I thought was wrong. Maybe even what I was led to believe, honestly. Some fault lies with me, absolutely, but with Spock, too. He never spoke of bonding with me nor ever mentioned that Sarek was bonded to his mother.  And since there was no other precedence, I convinced myself Vulcans did not bond with Humans.” She turned her back to him. “Turned out it was just that Spock didn’t want to bond with me.”

His chest tightened. “I really don’t know what to say.”

She faced him again and even Jim recognized her brave face. “You didn’t do anything wrong. All you did was fall in love with Spock. And all things considered, I can hardly blame you for that. You never ever tried to come between us. You just stayed quietly in pain on the side.” Her expression softened. “Didn’t you?”

“I just wanted you two to be happy.”

“But it was never going to be me that made him happy.” She sipped her tea. “I suppose I’d known that for a long time but didn’t want to acknowledge it. And I suppose I owe you an apology for that too.”

“What?”

“Hanging on for too long, I guess.”

“No.” He went to her then and took the hand that wasn’t holding the tea. “I’ve never blamed you for Spock’s choices. And to be with _you_ was his choice.”

She smiled faintly. “Until he met you, that is. He was ready to walk away from me for the greater good of the Vulcan race. But you? He couldn’t bear it.”

Jim wasn’t sure what he should say, what she expected him to say, so he said nothing. That was his usual fall back. When in doubt, keep your mouth shut.

“And now you’re about to have what I always wanted.”

“Nyota—”

“What I thought I wanted, really. Believe it or not, I’ve made peace with this. With you and Spock. I love him and I always will but that love is now a friendship love, Jim. And you are my friend too. And though, yes, part of me _is_ sad, a larger part is just very, very happy for my dear friends.”

He felt a fool when his eyes were pricked by tears but she shook her head, put down her teacup and embraced him.

“You’re going to make us both cry, Captain. And the two of us _do not_ cry.”

“That’s true,” he said with a watery laugh.

She released him and stood back to give him a brilliant smile. “I’ll be there at your ceremony, you can bet on that. And when you get back onto the ship, I think you should get married too.”

“I’m not sure Spock will go for that.”

“He will,” she assured him. “He’s crazy in love with you.”

His door chimed and Jim glanced toward it. “That will be Bones.”

“I’m leaving anyway.” She got close again and kissed his cheek and then headed to the door just as it slid open to let Bones in. “Hi Leonard. Bye Leonard.”

Bones eyed the closed door and then eyed Jim. “What was that all about?”

“Wishing me well.”

Bones nodded. “So, she’s all right?”

“I think so.”

Bones stepped forward and set a big black bag on the couch in Jim’s quarters. “This has all you should need. I've sent instructions to your PADD too, so read them. Food, water, Tri-ox. Nutritional supplements. Lubricant. A regenerator.”

“A regenerator?”

“Never know. I don’t quite know what to expect. And from what I understand, Spock isn’t going to let me beam down to treat you in the middle of the…thing.”

“I’d guess not.”

“Sarek says everything is prepared on their end too. They’ve got the bonding area set up to replicate the original there on Vulcan, the priestess and all her people are ready. And they have some sort of hut set up with a bed for the—”

“Thing.”

“Yes.”

Jim laughed. “You can’t say the wild sex on the forge, can you, Bones?”

“I’d prefer not to. I guess it won’t be as hot as Vulcan but it will be still pretty blasted hot so try to keep him inside the hut for your sake.”

Jim nodded.

“Sulu says we should be there in about ten hours, Jim. Since I’ve got you off duty now until the thing is over, I suggest you use that time to sleep.”

“I’m probably going to need it. Spock?”

“I’m monitoring his quarters but naturally no one can enter but you. Sarek says it’s best he not see you until it’s time.”

“This is fucking nuts,” Jim muttered under his breath. “Just a short time ago I was worried he wouldn’t stay the night with me after…the thing…,” Jim modified at a look from Bones, “and now we’re—”

“Going to be mates for life,” Bones said. “Yeah, nuts indeed. Before I go I have to ask one more time.”

“What?”

Bones exhaled. “This is really what you want, right? You don’t feel coerced or forced in any way to go through with this.”

“Spock will die if—”

“I know. But something else can be done if it needs to be,” Bones said seriously. “I just need to know if it needs to be.”

“No,” Jim said softly. “This is what I want, Bones. Spock is what I want.”

“Good. Okay. I just had to be sure. It’s my job as your doctor and as your friend. A sort of best man.”

Jim smiled. “Not just sort of. You are my best man. My best friend. And the best damn doctor too.”

“Now you’re getting mushy.” But he was grinning. He put his hand on Jim’s shoulder and squeezed. “Go to sleep. I’ll wake you when it’s time.”


	9. Ceremony

Somehow it seemed like he had just gone to sleep when Bones was shaking him awake. He saw that the time that had passed was actually nine hours instead of seconds and yet he woke groggy and not at all alert.

“Come on, Jim,” Bones said soothingly, as he helped Jim to first sit up and then stand. “Let’s get you into the shower.”

He allowed himself to be led to the bathroom, still too out of it to care much. “Are you sure it’s time?”

“Afraid so. We’re about to make orbit for New Vulcan.” Bones reached past Jim and turned on the water function in his shower. “You definitely need this today. All right. Get in and wash everything.  Look, I’m not sure how coherent Spock will be after the ceremony.” Bones pushed a bottle of lube into Jim’s hand. “Better grease up.”

Jim made a face. “Bones!”

“Well. You don’t want any unnecessary injuries. And maybe Spock won’t be in any condition to stop and prepare you for the…thing.”

“Don’t say another word,” Jim said through gritted teeth.

Bones nodded. “I’m getting you some coffee and breakfast ready. Then after you eat, we’ll give you a few shots and then you’ll be all set.”

Jim nodded and started stripping even before Bones was out of the bathroom. He stepped into the shower and let the water run over his head and down his face.

Today was it. He was going to be bonded to Spock for all time. The rest of his life. And yeah, that was fucking scary. But there was no backing out now. He was stuck with Spock and Spock was stuck with him. He’d definitely got a better deal than Spock did.

When he came out of the bathroom, towel wrapped around his waist, Bones was waiting for him with a big mug of coffee and a plate of breakfast that would have fed two captains.

“I can’t eat all that,” Jim protested. “My stomach is kind of wonky as it is.”

“You gotta eat something. You’re going to need your strength and I don’t know when you’ll get to eat again.”

Jim smiled and shook his head. “You act like Spock is going to hold me captive for the next few days.”

“Well how do I know? You ever experienced this with another Vulcan before?”

Jim grimaced. “No.”

“Neither have I. So we don’t know. Put some clothes on and come eat.”

Jim had decided to dress in loose fitting workout pants and a tank top. New Vulcan wasn’t as hot as Vulcan but he definitely didn’t want to sweat to death. Or be miserable. He had no idea if the Vulcans would consider it acceptable attire. But as far as he knew they weren’t shy so if they found him inappropriate they were bound to tell him.

He sat down and eyed the plate of pancakes, potatoes, eggs, ham, bacon and sausage. With biscuits smothered in gravy.

“Bones, if I eat all this I’m going to vomit in the heat. I can’t puke in front of a bunch of Vulcan dignitaries.”

“Eat what you can.”

So he ate two pancakes, an egg, and a biscuit. Bones squawked at him but Jim held firm.

“Okay,” Bones said as he took out two hyposprays. “I just checked and Spock has beamed down to the planet with Sarek. They are all waiting for you.”

Pressure. Lots of pressure.

Jim nodded. He wouldn’t panic. He really wouldn’t.

But he felt the tightening of his chest and a stinging behind his eyes and nose.

“Breathe, Jim,” Bones said gently, as he injected the second of the hypos.  

“I am,” he insisted.

“Your face is all mottled.”

“Maybe it’s a reaction to your shot,” Jim said dryly.

“Is not. I thought you said you wanted to do this, Jim.”

“ _I do_. Kind of. Sort of. I mean…yeah. Of course.”

Bones smirked. ”So convincing. Come on, I’ll escort you down there.”

Jim picked up the bag of stuff Bones had left with him with all the “preparations” and followed him out of his quarters.

“Listen.” Bones grabbed his arm to stop him in the corridor. “While you are down there getting, er, acquainted with Spock—”

“We’re already acquainted that way.”

“You know what I mean, I’ll be getting your quarters all set for them to become, you know, couple’s quarters. For both of you. So everything will be all set for when you two are back on the ship.”

Jim bit his lip. “Maybe he wants to keep his own quarters. That way he doesn’t have to—”

“Not that again. You two will be married, Jim. The Vulcan way anyway. And I think it would make everyone happy, including Starfleet, if you two got human married too. As long as Spock’s agreed, I’ll get that arranged too. The less you have to worry about the better.”

“Okay. Thanks, Bones.”

“It’s going to be fine, Jim. You love him, don’t you?”

He nodded. Licked his dry lips. “Yeah. Yeah, I do.”

Bones squeezed his arm. “Let’s go.”

****

When Spock noticed Jim arrive, he also noticed how close McCoy stood to him. Rage burned within him. He took a step forward.

“Spock.” Father stopped him with an arm across Spock’s chest.

“He is too close to my mate,” Spock ground out.

“It does not matter.”

Spock growled.

“If your mate wishes, he may choose a challenger.”

Spock glanced at Father sharply.

“He will not. I am simply stating he has that right. Come, Spock, it is time to take our place in front of the high priestess.”

Spock kept an eye on the human McCoy as Jim approached the priestess with McCoy standing near. He was vaguely aware that there were other crew members from the ship that came to watch the ceremony, Nyota among them, but they all kept a safe, respectful distance from Spock’s mate.

After a few opening remarks, the priestess nodded at Spock, who took up the mallet and made his way to the gong to begin the bonding. If Jim was to challenge Spock’s claim, now would be the time.

But as he reached the ceremonial gong, replicated from the original that had been destroyed with Vulcan, Jim made no move. Spock swung the mallet high and struck the gong. The ground reverberated with it. He made his way back to the priestess filled with longing and affection for his mate who had not challenged his claim.

“Thee may depart,” the priestess said to McCoy. “Stand with the others.”

Spock nodded his satisfaction as McCoy departed from Jim’s side and it was only Spock and Jim before her now.

“What thee are about to see comes down from the beginning, without change. This is the Vulcan heart. This is the Vulcan soul. This is our way.”

She bade them kneel before her.

“Kirk, thee are prepared?”

“I am.”

“Spock, thee are prepared?”

“I am.”

Her cool hand swept over Spock’s forehead and down to his psi points. Out of the corner of his eyes he could see she had done the same to Jim’s face with her other hand. Jim’s eyes were closed. Spock closed his.

The Vulcan priestess spoke in Golic Vulcan now, more words that drifted through Spock’s mind than anything said out loud. He was hyper aware of the human beside him. Jim’s shallow breaths, his pink skin, the long lashes that covered cerulean eyes. He could even smell Jim. And as she continued her words, her fingers on both of their faces, he became more and more aware of Jim. His very thoughts, his heartbeat, memories that floated and drifted by, loss, hope, love. Spock embraced it all.

The ceremony seemed to continue far past the time Spock wanted it to last. He was eager to full claim Jim. Make him his mate in every way possible. No one would dare come near Spock’s mate now.

_Spock._

The softest of sounds. A caress. A whispers. Tendrils blowing at the back of the neck in the wind. So gentle.

The cool fingers slipped from his face and Spock opened his eyes.

His breaths burned in his chest. His heart burned. His very blood burned.

She stepped away, back, and was gone before Spock could even watch where she had gone. He rose and reached for Jim, his hands slipping beneath Jim’s arms, pulling him to his feet.

His blazing eyes surveyed their surroundings as he seized Jim to him. They were alone. Everyone had left. He and Jim were one.

Nothing could part them now.

“Spock,” Jim gasped out just before Spock claimed his pink, plumped lips.

But it was a short kiss. Spock had the sense of himself to know that he must get Jim to the shelter, to the hut, they’d created for this purpose, for his human. Jim would never last in the direct sun.

Fortunately the hut was not far. It had no closing doors. Just an opening with which to walk through. Spock dragged Jim inside. He quickly noted there was water and provisions for Jim. A black bag with the Starfleet medical insignia he was certain came from the usurper McCoy. He almost tossed it from the hut, but Jim’s hands on his arms, sliding up Spock’s forearms to Spock’s biceps distracted him from all else.

But the claim.

But Jim.

Who was…

“Mine."


	10. Pon Farr

Spock knew the pleasure of loving Jim. Intense and all-consuming as it had been from the start. A more powerful emotional compromise than ever he’d experienced. And though he had tried desperately to fight such an assault on all who he was, in the end Spock had been unable to resist Jim.

Whether it was predestined as his counterpart had implied because of other timelines or if it was because Jim’s mind, Jim’s body, had always been meant for him, or if Spock just knew what and who he wanted, none of that mattered now.

What mattered was burying himself to the hilt inside the writhing, moaning human beneath him who was even now panting his name.

The hut had been furnished with a soft mattress for their comfort, for Jim’s comfort. Spock would have made the claim anywhere. 

Jim lay on his back on the mattress, legs pushed high in the air and then wrapped around Spock’s torso as Spock was positioned between his thighs, thrusting over and over into Jim’s tight hole. Though it was true that Spock was not fully aware of all his actions, he seemed to think clearly enough to know that Jim had not suffered any violence at Spock’s hands, and he was gratified for that. He had not known what to expect. He had tried to speak to his father about it but Sarek was, as usual, recalcitrant.

He reached for Jim’s dark red and very stiff penis, jerking it in his fist as he sped up his thrusts into his mate.

“Oh, fuck, fuck!” Jim yelled, even as his staff erupted in Spock’s grip.

“Yes,” Spock groaned, reveling in the ecstatic look on Jim’s face. One wished to give one’s mate immense pleasure. Jim’s ass muscle squeezed around Spock, and Spock emptied into Jim with a primal scream of his own.

****

Jim woke exhausted and sweat-covered, laying on his side, his Vulcan husband—mate—pumping into him with slow and deep precision. Jim’s leg was hiked up to give Spock better access. At this point in their activities Jim was pretty sure he was incapable of getting it up, not in the near future anyway. Cum leaked from his ass, from the numerous times Spock had already filled him, and his jaw ached from sucking Vulcan dick for hours.

But despite his exhaustion and very sore body parts, he didn’t think he had any real injuries. Spock would not, could not hurt him. Not at this point in their relationship. There was far too much between them, and even though Spock was completely out of it and just into constant physical release, Jim could feel the steady, warm buzzing of Spock in his mind, and God did it feel great.

Spock was panting in his ear and any other time, Jim would fucking love it, but God, he was sore and sleepy. A little hungry too. He looked to the right at the supplies left for them and wondered when Spock was going to give him the chance to use them.

He’d managed to have some water and Spock had let him relieve himself but Spock had stuck to him like glue even then and looked around anxiously like someone planned to kidnap Jim from Spock’s side.

Jim stuck out his arm toward the bag he knew contained food. He could almost reach it.  With a frustrated, he pushed back against Spock, hoping to gain more of a stretch toward the food.

Spock growled and then thrust more eagerly.

“Um, yeah, okay, big guy,” he said, and patted Spock’s arm. “Can you loosen up just a bit, babe? Want to get some food.”

For a moment Spock ignored him and continued to hold on tight, thrusting away, but after several heartbeats, his arm went lax around Jim enough so that he could lean forward and reach the bag. Based on the fact that they had already experienced one night and were well into the afternoon of the next day, it was no wonder he was so damn hungry.

Spock’s arm tightened once more around him as Spock shifted a bit so Jim lay once more on his stomach and his Vulcan loomed over him, fucking away. He kept speaking in Vulcan but Jim didn’t even try to interpret it. He knew some but not enough to know what all those low, ground out words were.

He pulled out a piece of bread, Kreyla, of course, and tore off a hunk, popping it into his mouth and greedily chewing. He held some out toward Spock.

“Want some, babe?”

Spock’s answer was something like “mine” so Jim guessed not. He ate the rest of what he held in his hand and was going in for more when Spock yelled and poured into Jim again.

This time Spock pulled out of him, which was definitely welcome. Being constantly stuffed with Vulcan was taking its toll. He lay beside Jim, too, instead of on him.

Jim wriggled around to a sitting position, wincing at the soreness, and eyed his husband.

“You all right, sweetheart?”

Spock nodded.

“Taking a break?”

Spock nodded again.

Jim smiled. “I’m going to clean you up a bit then, is that all right?”

Again just the nod.

Jim rose from the mattress, not bothering to cover himself as he did so. It wasn’t as though he and Spock had any secrets or modesty between them at this point. He crouched down next to the supplies, found what he needed and made his way back to where Spock lay, staring at him with dark intensity.

“Still okay?”

The nod was slower but still there.

Jim put his fingers on Spock’s face, in the way that Spock had been doing to him since the Pon Farr had begun. Spock visibly relaxed, closed his eyes and exhaled softly.

“Like that, huh? Needed the contact?”

Again the nod but Spock kept his eyes closed.

Jim used the other hand that wasn’t caressing Spock’s cheek to pull out a damp wipe, which he used to wipe Spock’s chest, arms, penis and thighs. Spock’ shaft jumped at the touch and Spock gave a little moan, but he stayed still, allowing Jim to cleanse him.

“You know,” Jim said, as he continued to wash Spock. “This might have gone a lot easier if you’d just told me how you felt.”

Spock did open his eyes then and the expression in them was stricken.

“Not this.” Jim gestured to the two of them and the hut. “Not the Pon Farr. But us. Our relationship. If I had known how much you wanted to bond…” Jim shook his head. “Yeah. I know this isn’t the time to talk. But damn, now I do know. You know I feel how much you love me and it’s so fucking incredible.” Spock growled at the word ‘fucking’ which made Jim laugh. “Sorry. Bad choice of words maybe. I loved you so much and if I knew—”

Spock stilled Jim’s movement with a hand on his arm.

“No. Not loved in the past tense, you ridiculous Vulcan. I just meant, well, you know what I meant. I love you so much and God you love me too. I feel it and I’ve never felt anything so fantastic.”

Spock moved his hand up Jim’s arm, soothingly.

“Let me get you fed. You need your strength.”

Jim handed Spock the water bottle and he was pleased when Spock took several sips. Then he found some more Kreyla and some bean paste stuff that kind of reminded him of hummus. He spread some on the Kreyla and handed that to Spock. As Spock ate, he used a damp cloth to wipe himself clean in all the same places he’d cleaned Spock.

“You ate it all,” Jim said with a smile as he leaned over and wiped Spock’s mouth. That earned him an arched brow which was really fucking cute, he could not deny. His heart gave a little flip. “Do you know how much I worship you?”

There was just the hint of a smile curving Spock’s lips and Jim supposed that was about as much of an answer as Spock was capable of at the moment.

Jim took everything away and then returned to Spock again who stared at Jim like he was a morsel. His dark eyes hot and stormy.

“You need to fuck again, huh?”

Spock’s nod was sharp and quick.

“How do you want me?”

And Jim was not at all surprised when Spock gestured for Jim to straddle him. It was one of Spock’s favorite positions, for penetration was especially deep, and always meant lots of skin to skin contact.

Jim quickly put lubed fingers into himself, wincing a little at both the sting and Spock’s predatory growl. Then he straddled Spock, then gripped Spock’s arms as he lowered himself down on hot, Vulcan steel.

“Oh, God,” Jim rasped out as he felt the answering desire fueling his own blood and his previously flaccid cock spring up into action. He leaned over, planting his hands on Spock’s chest, fingers reaching to caress Spock’s nipples.

Spock grabbed Jim’s hips, pushing up deep into Jim, nailing his prostate with each powerful thrust. Then one hand moved from Jim’s hip to his face, and Spock filled Jim’s mind with rushing heat, adoration, brilliance.

“ _Las’hark_.”

Jim threw his head back as his orgasm burst forth and he coated Spock’s chest with his cum. There was a white light before his eyes and then he was out.

****

Blue eyes opened slowly, too slowly, too lethargic. They gazed at him as though not knowing him at first and Spock felt a hint of panic rising within his chest.

“Jim,” he whispered.

“Spock.” He licked his lips, smiled, closed his eyes again.

“Jim, open your eyes for me, t’hy’la.”

The eyelashes fluttered, then rose. The saturated blue made his heart ache. Such beauty. Such a precious human.

“Is it over?”

Spock leaned down to taste his chapped lips. He would remember Jim’s taste for eternity. He pulled back. “Yes, my Jim. We have completed Pon Farr.”

“You’re talking.” And Jim’s smile was kind of goofy. Rather drunk.

“Affirmative.”

“We’re bonded.”

Spock thought he might burst with love for this man. It was unseemly. Highly illogical. And more desired than anything he could have ever imagined. “Yes, adun.”

“That’s…husband.”

“Indeed.”

“See! I know some Vulcan.”

“You do. And I will teach you anything else you wish to know.”

“You feel so amazing, Spock.”

“You feel equally amazing.”

Jim laughed. “We’re going to make Bones sick.”

Spock could not prevent his answering smile. “Perhaps.”

Jim moved his hand until his fingers were touching Spock’s. “Thank you.”

“For what?”

“Loving me.”

Spock swallowed the emotion threatening. “It is no hardship, my Jim. I assure you.”

“Others would not agree.”

“There are no others.”

Jim smiled. “I love that. And I love you. And God, I am so fucking wasted and tired.”

“That’s because of the Pon Farr. Sleep, Jim. When you wake, you will be in our bed on the Enterprise.”

“ _Our_ bed.”

“Yes.”

“No more begging you to sleep with me.”

“Jim—”

But his exhausted love had begun to snore. Spock put his fingers to Jim’s temple. “Taluhk nash-veh k'dular.”


	11. Never Enough

“I should do a full physical exam.”

Jim rubbed the back of his neck and shifted his buttocks on the biobed. It was far too stiff and unyielding for his somewhat tender posterior.  “Seriously, not necessary.” He gave Bones a toothy smile. “I’m fine.”

Bones switched his glance from Jim to Spock. “For both of you.”

“I am more than functional, doctor. Given the completion of the bond, I am at optimal levels of Vulcan—”

“Blah blah blah. Fine. The two of you. Jim, you need electrolytes. Lots of food and water. Plenty of rest. I’m putting you off for another forty-eight hours, the bulk of which I want you to spend in your quarters.”

Jim looked to Spock and then opened his mouth. “Spock—”

“Him too. Both of you together. You can consider it mine and Starfleet’s gift to you. They’ve approved of us maintaining orbit here at New Vulcan for those two days. And the Vulcan Council has approved shore leave for the crew. They are offering volunteer opportunities to help the hobgoblins, too.”

“Bones.”

“The point is get out of here before I change my mind about those physicals.” Bones gave him a grumpy look.

Jim maneuvered his way off the biobed and embraced his friend. “You’re the best.”

“I know it,” Bones replied with a smirk. He shoved at Jim but without any force. “Get out.”

Jim resisted the urge to hold Spock’s hand as they departed, in deference to Spock’s Vulcan sensibilities, but he couldn’t help but walk very close to his…husband. Which was a great thought. Bondmate, husband. Whatever. Jim liked it. A lot. And Spock didn’t even bother to move away from how close Jim walked besides him.    

When they entered the turbolift, Jim couldn’t keep the smile off his face.

“You seem very pleased with yourself,” Spock observed.

“No.” Jim shook his head. “Well, _not only_. I’m pleased with you as well.”

The turbolift opened on their floor and they got out.

Jim’s quarters had been made into their quarters, according to what Bones had said anyway, and Jim was stupidly excited to be walking into the space they would share for the rest of their lives. Well, their lives on the Enterprise anyway. When they were settled in, Jim would mention the human marriage thing to Spock. He was pretty sure Spock wouldn’t have a problem with it.

He paused outside the door, turned to Spock. “So, um, while we were, um, doing the thing—”

Spock arched his brow.

“Bones turned my quarters into our quarters. So he, you know, moved your stuff into mine, ours. So I hope that’s all right.”

“I anticipated such an outcome.”

Jim nodded and entered in the code. The door swished open and they stepped inside.

Across the top of their quarters, right above their bed was a huge monstrous glittery sign that had ‘Congratulations Jim and Spock’ written across it in bright red, sparkly letters.

Jim laughed. “Awe, look how sweet!”

“Sweet,” Spock repeated.

On their table was a big, round cake covered in white frosting with gold and blue accents, including a little plastic distorted sort of stick figure in gold clasping the hand of one just like it in blue.

“Think I’m going to cry,” Jim said.  Next to the cake were cookies, nuts, chips, all kinds of food and snacks. “Oh, my God, I could just kiss Bones.”

“I would rather you kiss me.”

Jim flung himself at Spock, wrapping his arms around him, and pulling him close. “Now that I can definitely do.” And he did. Thoroughly. Then he released Spock with a kiss on the nose and went to the replicators. “Tea, honey?”

“Yes, thank you.”

Jim stood by the replicator waiting for their beverages while Spock immediately went to the wardrobe in the room, opening the doors and cabinets.

“You are correct, Captain. My belongings have joined with yours.”

“That’s Captain Sweetheart to you, mister,” Jim joked.

“My apologies. It is a difficult habit to break.” Spock turned from the wardrobe with a hint of a smile and then explored the quarters further. “Even my meditation materials have been moved into this alcove.”

“Bones thought of everything.” Jim brought him over his tea. “Which, uh, can we talk about something?”

“Of course. Is something wrong?” Spock’s brows furrowed.

“Oh, no. Not at all.” He grabbed Spock’s hand and dragged him over to the table with the food. “Sit down. I’m starving.”

“The doctor did indicate you needed to replenish your body’s fluids and food.”

“Yep, and I’m totally scarfing down cake.” He laughed at Spock’s expression. “I love you. You are so cute.”

“Vulcans are not cute, Jim.”

“Right. So, what do you say about being my husband?”

“We are already husbands.”

“I know. But I mean, you know, with a human ceremony too. You know something we could do in front of the crew to seal the deal.”

Spock gave him a reproachful look. “The deal is already sealed.”

“I know. With all that pinning me to the ground and fucking me senseless. But this is something the crew can actually witness. Unlike the other.”

“I see.” Spock nodded. “What you suggest does have merit.”

Jim grinned as he sliced off a hunk of cake. “Yeah see? Lean forward.”

“For what purpose?”

“I’m supposed to feed you cake or something.”

”That would be after the human ceremony,” Spock pointed out.

“Well, this is practice. And anyway, Vulcans don’t usually have wedding cakes after the Pon Farr stuff, right?”

Spock straightened. “They do not.”

“But yet, here it is. Bones didn’t know. He got us one anyway and I can’t waste food, Spock. Ever.”

Spock stared at him silently for a moment. They had never ever discussed Jim’s time in that…place, but Jim was definitely aware that Spock was aware.

“Very well. Feed me the cake.”

With a huge grin, Jim shoved cake into Spock’s mouth, making sure to smear it everywhere on his face.

“It is surprisingly good,” Spock said, as he used his tongue to swipe the tip of his nose. “What?”

“Nothing,” Jim murmured. “Just never realized how long your tongue was.” He scooped cake up with his fingers and stuck it into his own mouth. “This is damn good for replicated cake.”

Spock picked up a fork and wiped his face with a napkin. “We should speak about our misconceptions.”

Jim nodded. “I sure had a lot of those. And Uhura too by the way. She told me she thought you wouldn’t bond with us lowly humans as well.”

Spock appeared to hesitate. “I can see why she believed that. But it was not my intention for either of you to come to that conclusion. I have always been an…anomaly. Neither fully human nor fully Vulcan. At times I doubted whether that kind of bond would be something I could achieve.”

“Your parents—”

“Yes, they did bond. However, Mother was fully human and Father fully Vulcan. Even they were different than I was. I was bonded to another Vulcan as a child as is our way, but my bondmate found the experience distasteful and it was dissolved well before it could cause issues for either of us. There were times I thought perhaps she found it so uncomfortable because of my mixed heritage. I was drawn to humans, similar to my father, and I did consider bonding to Nyota.”

He tamped down any feelings of jealousy. They were old and of no use to him now. In the end it was him who bonded to Spock. He was going to share his life with Jim. That’s what was important.

“But you didn’t.”

“No. Once you entered our existence, I became aware of certain changes in my affections both for you and Nyota. She remains precious to me. But you are…everything.”

Jim leaned near and kissed him. “You still taste like frosting. And you sure took your sweet time with all of that, by the way.”

Spock acknowledged that with a slight shrug. “I have never been one to act in haste.”

“Yeah, apparently,” Jim said dryly. “You wouldn’t even sleep with me.”

“We have slept together—”

“Yeah, I know a million times.”

“Negative. By my calculations it has been—”

“Spock, you are not going to tell us the precise amount of times we made love.”

Spock closed his mouth.

“And anyway don’t be deliberately obtuse. I mean _sleep_ and you know it.”

“It did take some getting used to having another share the bed with me in that manner and I admit it took me a while to realize that it was of significance to you,” Spock said. “But now that I am aware, I am more than amenable to sharing that and everything with you.”

Jim leaned in to kiss him again, this one much longer and deeper. He slipped his tongue inside Spock’s mouth.

Spock pulled away. “You must cease that sort of kissing immediately.”

Jim waggled his brows. “Turning you on, huh?”

“It is. And if you do not want more soreness, we must refrain.”

Jim puckered his lips as he sat back in the chair. “Well. I mean, I _could_ do you.”

“You prefer—”

“I know what I prefer.”

“As do I.”

“I know that too. But it’s not like I don’t know how or have never done it or anything. So we could. I would.” He grinned. “And so would you.”

Spock’s cheeks turned a faint green. “Perhaps later after you have had ample time to rest. The doctor said that was your main priority.”

“Yeah, yeah, blah blah. I’ll rest. In fact, when I’m done here, I’m taking a nap. And you’re taking it with me.”

To Jim’s surprise, Spock yawned. “You will get no argument from me. I am still fatigued from—”

“Shenanigans on New Vulcan. I bet.”

“It was not _shenanigans,_ ” Spock emphasized coolly. “It was a highly revered and important part of Vulcan culture and well-being.”

“That’s why I love Vulcans. Fucking me senseless is highly revered.”

“Jim.”

“I know. Have some respect.” Jim grabbed a cookie and took a bite. “Ooh. Chocolate peanut butter.” He put down the cookie then and reached for Spock’s hand, stroking his fingers along Spock’s. “I can’t believe you bonded with me.”

Spock’s brows furrowed.

“With _me_.  Do you know how incredible that is? _No one_. No one has ever chosen me like that.  That you’d want to share minds like that…Spock, I love you so much. You just have no idea.”

“Since we do share minds, I have a pretty good idea,” Spock said warmly.

“So you’ll really marry me with all that stupid human wedding trappings like confetti and champagne and this vow and that vow?”

“Yes, Jim. I will.”

He grinned. “When?”

“Whenever you want,” Spock replied. “After our nap, if you wish.”

“Oh, no. That kind of extravagant ceremony takes planning.”

“Extravagant? Jim, I assumed it would be simple as we are already—”

“There you go with those assumptions again. Hell, It probably will take several days to plan for the ice sculptures.”

“The ice sculptures.”

“Think they can be carved into images of us? That would be so cool.”

Spock rose from his chair and pulled Jim from his, up and into his arms. He closed his mouth over Jim’s even as Jim was still attempting to speak. He carried him over to the bed and brought him down onto the mattress.

“Sleep,” Spock said softly against his lips “You are quite clearly delirious.”

Jim pursed his lips. “No ice sculptures?”

“No.”

“Doves—”

“No live birds, first it is cruel, and second, the ship…no.”

“Confetti and champagne?”

“That is acceptable.” Spock put his fingers to Jim’s cheek. “Adun, Taluhk nash-veh k'dular.”

Jim sucked in a breath, his heart pounding, his head filled with love and the beautiful, wonderful presence that was Spock. And whatever he said, would never be enough, would never match what Spock said to him, felt for him. “Yeah, me too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading.  
> This one is finished!


End file.
